Don't we all at times? Here is a lyrical preview of something we've started work on. Basically we stole the words from someone else..... King David. It's a song he wrote and I am shocked at the audacity he has to speak to God in such a way. Shocked and somehow comforted. I've had moments in life where my words have failed, but I've been able to speak/pray every word in this psalm.

Psalm 13

For the choir director: A psalm of David.

1 O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
How long will you look the other way?
2 How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?

3 Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
4 Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”
Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love.
I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
6 I will sing to the Lord
because he is good to me.

Perfect love, it is said, drives out fear. I seem to be experienced with the opposite effect; the closer I seem to get to Divine love the more terrified I become. When I feel pursued I feel embarrassed or violated and certainly distrustful of the pursuer. As it is often put by self-deprecating cynics: I don't wish to be a part of any club that'll have me. Grace looks past such self-doubt and contempt and slobbers wet kisses anyway, but that affection and acceptance doesn't always make it past my skepticism. Make me pay instead. Nothing this good can be trusted. Occasionally grace gets through and leaves us wondering why we brought a sword to bed for all those years. But then God, in all his invisibleness, takes a vacation and we're back to swashbuckling with the hound of hell. Perfect love is just theory to us humans, and according to some philosophy anything that exists in theory is not worth the intellectual effort. So why does God promise us a perfect love? Is God an idealist? What silly questions. No matter, we'd love your input on these half-notions as we pen lyrics and prayers for Urban Hymnal #2 (sometime in March).

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